🗑️ $5B in Junk, $113B in Junkier

Happy Tuesday, it’s June 03, 2025.

Here’s today’s byt of what you signed up for.

🔥 Top Shelf Chaos

🤑 Musk’s AI circus hits $113B valuation with bond bait and equity sleight of hand. Elon’s slinging $5B in junk debt for xAI while quietly floating $300M in stock, valuing his AI-social media Frankenstein at $113B. Insiders cash out, hype rolls in. He ditched Trump’s Doge squad, now back to “sleeping in server rooms,” rallying Grok, Neuralink, and Colossus, all marching under one overloaded ego. (More)

💸 Wall Street’s data center binge is flirting with bubble territory. Blackstone and its private equity posse have dumped over $100B into AI data centers like QTS, betting big on server farms guzzling power like frat bros at spring break. But oversupply alarms are blaring. Microsoft just paused builds, and exits are murky. If the AI gold rush slows or shrinks, this hyperscale land grab could turn into the next WeWork-in-a-server-rack saga. (More)

✋ Delivery Hero and Glovo hit with €329M fine for cartel-style collusion. The EU just body-slammed Delivery Hero and Glovo for secretly carving up delivery turf, price-whispering over WhatsApp, and agreeing not to poach each other’s workers. The fine marks the EU’s first crackdown on no-poach pacts and exposes how minority stakes can grease anticompetitive deals. Hero dodged a steeper penalty by copping to it, proof that even platform darlings bleed when regulators bite. (More)

👀 Side-Eye Central

🛢️ Carney cozies up to Big Oil to shield Canada from Trump’s tariff seizures. New PM Mark Carney is buttering up Alberta’s oil execs, backing carbon capture and even eyeing new pipelines in a bid to Trump-proof Canada’s economy. It’s a 180 from his climate-crusader days, now it’s all about cutting deals, not emissions. (More)

💰 Saudi Aramco raises $5B in bonds as oil cash crunch looms. With prices dipping and dividends under pressure, Aramco’s leaning back into debt markets. The $5B haul keeps Saudi’s mega-project machine fed, for now, but rising gearing and shrinking profits hint the oil fortress isn’t as untouchable as it looks. (More)

🎵 Music giants may settle with AI upstarts Udio and Suno in landmark licensing talks. Universal, Sony, and Warner are eyeing deals that would swap lawsuits for licensing fees and equity stakes, echoing the early Spotify playbook. If it lands, the truce could rewrite how AI firms train on copyrighted sound and pay for it, legally. (More)

🕊️ Iran set to reject U.S. nuclear deal, escalating risk of regional blowback. Tehran’s calling the latest U.S. proposal a “non-starter,” refusing to scrap enrichment or ship out uranium stockpiles. With sanctions still biting and Trump’s threats hanging heavy, this standoff could whiplash oil markets, derail diplomacy, and crank Middle East tensions to 11. (More)

🛰️ Voyager aims for $1.6B IPO as Trump-era space cash lifts launch hopes. The defense and space tech firm is betting big on a Trump-fueled spending spree, filing to raise $319M in a NYSE debut. With ties to Mars missions, missile shields, and Musk-adjacent dreams, it’s either a moonshot or a gravity check in waiting. (More)

🤷‍♂️ Whatever

🚀 AI server underdog Super Micro rockets up the Fortune 500. It jumped 206 spots thanks to explosive growth and Nvidia-aligned hustle, now powering xAI’s mega data center. (More)

🧠 Wireless brain chip records human thoughts, no cords attached. A dime-sized BCI device just logged its first human brain data, hinting at a future where stroke survivors talk via thought. (More)

🔌 SoftBank and Intel launch chip startup to slash AI energy use. Their new venture, Saimemory, aims to build stacked DRAM that guzzles half the power of current chips. Japan’s eyeing a comeback. (More)

🏢 IBM grabs Seek AI, opens NYC lab to boost enterprise chatbot smarts. Big Blue’s latest AI pickup plugs natural language data queries into its Watsonx platform. Mild acquisition, mild chaos, decent signal. (More)

🧊 Snowflake buys Crunchy Data in $250M play for DIY AI agent crowd. It’s not flashy, but it’s strategic. Postgres power to lure devs chasing control. Databricks did it louder; Snowflake’s doing it leaner. (More)

📈 Syrian stock exchange reopens under new regime after Assad’s fall. A symbolic reset, not an economic miracle, still, it’s a historic pivot toward markets and foreign money. (More)

🔧 Texas passes right to repair bill, putting Big Tech on notice. Unanimous Senate vote backs HB 2963, forcing companies to share parts and tools. It’s a quiet consumer win with loud implications. (More)

📜 Cursed Wisdom

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