🔬 Human Neurons For Sale

Happy Wednesday, it’s June 04, 2025.

Here’s today’s byt of what you signed up for.

🔥 Top Shelf Chaos

🧠 Your next computer runs on brain cells. Cortical Labs just unleashed the CL1, a $35K biocomputer made of 800,000 live human neurons that adapts in real time, learns from inputs, and even responds to drugs. Big Pharma, AI labs, and even Bitcoin bros are already circling. This isn’t a tech upgrade, it’s biology hijacking the motherboard. Wetware-as-a-service is here, and meat machines are officially in beta. (More)

🪐 Meta plugs into nuclear for AI power binge. Meta just inked a 20-year deal to buy over a gigawatt of juice from Illinois’ Clinton nuclear plant, enough to feed its ravenous AI surge starting in 2027. It’s the biggest energy contract in Meta’s history and a lifeline for a reactor once slated for shutdown. Constellation may even build a second reactor now. AI isn’t just heating servers, it’s warping the power grid. Nuclear’s officially cool again. (More)

👑 Nvidia melts Microsoft, takes the trillion-dollar throne. With a 3% stock pop Tuesday, Nvidia hit $3.444 trillion in market cap, edging past Microsoft to become the world’s most valuable public company. Fueled by a blowout $44B quarter and Wall Street’s AI fever dream, Jensen Huang’s chip empire keeps rising, even as it eats an $8B punch from U.S. export bans. Huang isn’t just selling silicon, he’s selling the future, and everyone’s buying. (More)

👀 Side-Eye Central

🛢️ Trump wants a twin pipeline pumping Arctic gas. Trump’s energy trio just toured Alaska’s Prudhoe Bay to hype doubling oil output and building a giant natural gas project, his “big, beautiful twin.” The plan? Scrap Biden-era protections, woo Asian investors, and make Alaska drill-happy again. Environmentalists are fuming. (More)

💸 Wells Fargo crawls out of Fed jail. The fake-accounts king finally got its growth cap lifted after six years in regulatory purgatory. CEO Charlie Scharf says the bank’s reborn, and dropped $2K bonuses on all 215,000 employees to prove it. Reputation? Still on probation. (More)

📞 AI phone agents just passed the Turing test (almost). Phonely, Groq, and Maitai teamed up to nuke the awkward pause problem in voice AI, slashing latency by 74% and hitting 99.2% accuracy, beating GPT-4o. One client’s replacing 350 human agents this month. Your next customer support call? Probably a robot you can’t spot. (More)

📡 EchoStar ghosts $500M in debt while launching a new satellite. The FCC’s probing its 5G rollout, but that didn’t stop EchoStar from commissioning a TV satellite, even as it skipped $500M in interest payments. Bankruptcy rumors are swirling. Meanwhile, SpaceX is circling its spectrum like a hungry hawk. (More)

🧨 Kuwait throws oil money at AI with Microsoft and Musk. Kuwait’s $1T sovereign fund just joined a $30B global AI buildout led by Microsoft, BlackRock, and MGX, becoming the first non-founder backer. It’s the fund’s first big AI splash under new leadership, and a clear sign the Gulf’s not just watching the AI gold rush, it’s funding the mine. (More)

🤷‍♂️ Whatever

🕵️‍♂️ DeepSeek may’ve trained on Gemini behind closed doors. Devs suspect the Chinese lab’s new model mimics Google’s, reviving accusations of training on rival AI outputs. (More)

❄️ FDA deploys Elsa AI to turbocharge reviews and inspections. The agency rolled out its own generative AI, yes, named Elsa, to help staff process clinical data, write reports, and hunt red flags. (More)

🇩🇪 AWS builds German fortress for EU cloud compliance. Amazon’s setting up a sovereign cloud in Germany with zero non-EU control to appease data watchdogs and keep regulators off its back. (More)

✈️ Thrive and Capital Group fly to China for AI intel. Top U.S. investors quietly visited China to scope its AI scene after DeepSeek’s leap stunned Silicon Valley. Washington won’t love this. (More)

🧃 CISA bleeds talent as Trump-era cuts gut U.S. cyber defenses. Nearly 1,000 exits have hollowed out America’s top cybersecurity agency, before a proposed 17% budget slash even hits. Experts are sounding alarms. (More)

🛰️ Trump funnels broadband billions to Starlink, freezes fiber rollouts. Senate Dems slammed the administration for delaying $42B in grants and rewriting rules to favor Musk’s satellites over faster, scalable fiber. (More)

🎬 Manus takes on Sora with new text-to-video AI. The Chinese-rooted upstart just launched a feature that turns text prompts into video, gunning for OpenAI, Runway, and Google’s turf. (More)

📜 Cursed Wisdom

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